RATIONAL HUMOROUS SONGS
by Albert Ellis, Ph.D.

(Copyright 1977-80 by the Institute for Rational Living, 45 E. 65 th St., NY, NY 10021)

PERFECT RATIONALITY (Tune: Luigi Denza, Funiculi, Funicula)

Some think the world must have a right direction,

And so do I, and so do I!

Some think that, with the slightest imperfection,

They can’t get by—and so do I!

For I, I have to prove I’m superhuman,

And better far than people are!

To show I have miraculous acumen—

And always rate among the Great!

Perfect, perfect rationality

Is, of course, the only thing for me!

How can I ever think of being

If I must live fallibly?

Rationality must be a perfect thing for me!

POUND, POUND, POUND! (Tune: Jingle Bells)

If you would get release and let your anger out,

Disrupt the blasted peace and scream and yell and shout,

Just go to any length to show you can’t be still,

And you’ll display enormous strength—until the time you’re killed!

Pound, pound, pound! Pound, pound, pound! Pound your enemies!

Oh what fun it is to stun anyone who does not please you!

Sock, sock, sock! Knock, knock, knock! Howl and whine and cry!

And everyone from you will run and hate you till you die!

Pout, pout, pout! Shout, shout, shout!—when things are a mess!

Rip, rip, rip! Slip, slip, slip into a profound depression!

Think, think, think! Drink, drink, drink only of cruel fate!

Keep your mind preoccupied with everyone you hate.

Whine! Whine! Whine! (Tune: Whiffenpoof Song)

I cannot have all of my wishes filled

Whine! Whine! Whine!

I cannot have every frustration stilled

Whine! Whine! Whine!

Life really owes me the things that I miss

Fate has to grant me eternal bliss

And if I must settle for less than this

Whine! Whine! Whine!