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Daily
Thoughts
College
application of the day
I am a dynamic
figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have
been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making
them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I
translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning
operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I
tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with
my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up
severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute
Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a
veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe
and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a
small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army
ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I
am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I
build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban
hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair
electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract
artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics
worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been
caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last
summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I bat .400.
My deft floral
arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis
rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read
Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and
still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I
sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a
group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws
of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I
weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it
down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only
a mouli and a toaster oven.
I breed
prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin.
I have played
Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken
with Elvis.
But I have not yet
gone to college. |
