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Daily Thoughts
Employment applications
DESIRED POSITION:
Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I
was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first
place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance
package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL
SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR
CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL
CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of
what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car
that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY
SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers
Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE
TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously
wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT
THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No,
but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio
with Libra rising. |
