,
Between Fathers & Daughters: Enriching & Rebuilding Your Adult Relationship (August, 2008)
visit the books' web site for more advice for divorced dads

Nielsen's Articles
Demeaning, Demoralizing & Disenfranchising Divorced Dads
Journal of Divorce & Remarriage

Stepmothers: Why So Much Stress?
Journal of Divorce & Remarriage

SHARED PARENTING RESEARCH -
FOR PARENTS, LAWYERS & FAMILY COURT PROFESSIONALS,

Shared parenting Research Brochure by Linda Nielsen

Speech on shared parenting research: West Virginia Legislature by Linda Nielsen

Child Custody, Access & Parental Responsibility - Dr. Edward Kruk

Joint Custody Research - Conclusions from 20 studies - Dr. Bauserman

Best Living Arrangments for Children of Divorce - Dr. Joan Kelly

Web Sites For Divorced or Single Fathers
 
TV Single Dads  
Divorced Fathers Network  .
Black Men Raising Daughters Alone
National Fathers’ Resource Center 
American Coalition for Fathers & Children        
Fathers and Families
Fathers in Touch
Children of divorce intervention program
Children in the Middle
National Family Resiliency Center
The Best Interests of the Child - Dr. Warren Farrell

Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths - Dads for Life Program - Dr. Sanford Braver

RECOMMENDED BOOKS

Adult children of parental alienation syndrome - Dr. Amy Baker

Divorce poison: Protecting the parent-child bond from a vindictive Ex - Dr. Richard Warshak

Divorcd Dads: Shattering the Myths - Dr. Sanford Braver

ADVICE FOR FATHERS - From Nielsen's book "Embracing Your Father" (McGraw Hill, 2004)
Remarried Fathers: Strengthening Your Father-Daughter Relationship  
          If you’re a divorced father who has remarried, odds are your relationship with your daughter has become more complicated, more stressful, and more distant. Sadly for the majority of  fathers and daughters, when dad remarries:

• the father-daughter relationship is more damaged than the father-son relationship
• tensions between mom and  dad’s wife  create problems in the father-daughter relationship 
•  the mom who was not employed during her marriage tends to be the most jealous and most uncooperative when dad remarries
•  college educated, white mothers tend to be less willing than non-white, less educated mothers to “share” their kids after divorce with the dad and his wife
• the father-daughter relationship is better off  when the mother has already remarried  

          Even though mom may never come right out and say negative things to her daughter about dad’s getting remarried, she can still create a negative impression of him and his new wife in other ways -- the expressions on her face, her tone of voice, the way she acts after she’s talked to dad or his wife on the phone, the “joking” remarks she makes about him or his wife. Daughters are keen observers of their mothers’ moods and feelings. Especially when dad has remarried but mom is still single,the daughter is likely to pick up messages like these from her mother:

• If it weren’t for “her” (dad’s new wife), we’d all be happier
• Your dad was nicer to us before “she” came into his life
• Now that your dad is remarried, he doesn’t love you  as much
• I feel sad and lonely when you spend time with your dad and his wife
• Your dad ought to spend more money on you and less on her and her kids

   As a remarried dad, try strengthening your relationship with your daughter by reducing the jealousy, competition and pressure in these ways:

• Don’t use the terms “stepmother” or “stepdaughter”. Instead say “my wife and my daughter” and ask your wife to say “my husband’s daughter”. If your wife and daughter  eventually want to refer to each other as stepmother and stepdaughter, let that be their choice. 
•  Never push (or continually talk about) your wife or your daughter to become good friends.  Take the pressure off everyone by letting their relationship develop in whatever way they choose.
• Never make your wife or your daughter feel that they have to like or love each other in order to make you happy or to prove how much they each love you. Yes, they do need to be cordial to one another. But they should not have to prove their love for you  by genuinely liking or loving each other. 
• Spend time alone with your daughter without your wife always having to be with you.
• Show your daughter in whatever ways you can that you are just as interested in her life and love her just as much now as you did before you remarried
• Send e mails, gifts, letters, and phone calls to your daughter only from you, not always from “us” (meaning you and your wife) 
• Tell your daughter and your ex wife that neither you nor your wife expect or want her to be “like a second mother” to your daughter 
• Keep your conversations with your daughter mainly focused on what’s going on in her life – not what’s going on in your wife’s or other kids’ lives

A QUIZ FOR DAUGHTERS
At the time of your parents’ divorce, what did you believe about divorced men?
___ Most divorces happen because the man falls in love with another woman.
___ Most divorces happen because the husband is abusive, alcoholic, or emotionally unstable.
___ Fathers are far more likely than mothers to commit adultery.
___ Fathers generally lose interest in their children after a divorce.
___ Financially, most fathers come out much better than mothers after divorce.
___ Mothers are usually more depressed than fathers after a divorce.
___ College-educated mothers are generally less angry after a divorce than less educated women.
___ Divorced men usually remarry much younger women.
___ The husband is usually the person who wants the divorce.
___ Most divorced fathers do not make their child support payments.
___ Score (10 possible trues)

How many did you think were true? The correct answer is zero. Not one of these statements is true for the vast majority of people in our country, as you can see from the “Eye Openers” below. The higher your score, the more difficult it was for you and your dad to stay bonded because you already had so many negative beliefs and assumptions about divorced men. Imagine how your father must have felt knowing that many people in our society believe these negative things about divorced dads.

EYE OPENING FACTS FOR DAUGHTERS

Women are more likely than men to get divorced because they have fallen in love with someone else and are almost as likely as men to commit adultery.
Two thirds of divorces are initiated by the wife, generally because she doesn’t feel that her husband meets her emotional needs or communicates well enough.
More than 80 percent of divorced fathers pay all their child support—and the majority of those who don’t are often unemployed or temporarily out of work.
Men are more likely than women to be depressed and suicidal after divorce—mainly because they miss their kids.
Many fathers are not better off financially than mothers after their divorce.
College-educated, white mothers tend to be as angry or angrier than other mothers about financial matters after a divorce.


FILMS ABOUT DIVORCE
As a father or as a daughter, these films can help you gain a better understanding of what has happened to your relationship after a divorce. As you watch the film, try to put yourself in one another's place. Try talking to each other about how the films made you feel.

Nobody’s Fool                                                           
Kramer vs. Kramer                                                     
Twice in a Lifetime                                                      
 About Schmidt                                                                            
The Squid & the Whale                                              
Tender Mercies                                                           
Bye, bye love