Linda Nielsen's "Fathers & Daughters" Course

To my knowledge this is still the only university course in the country devoted exclusively to father-daughter relationships (created in 1990). If you are aware of other father-daughter college courses, please let me know so that I can list these instructors and their courses as resources.

EMERGENCY/CONTINGENCY PLAN- In the event that classes at Wake Forest are cancelled due to unforeseen emergencies, students will continue to complete this course by following the readings and homework assignments as listed on the calendar and as described in this course syllabus. All of the test questions listed in this syllabus can be used as a weekly study guide for the reading assigments. The homework assignments can be mailed to Dr. Nielsen at Box 7266, Winston Salem, NC 27109 or sent to her by e mail (nielsen@wfu.edu). Tests will be administered by regular mail or by e mail. The final class presentation will be replaced with an alternative assignment that can be completed off campus.

THIS IS A SAMPLE SYLLABUS AND MAY NOT BE THE SAME AS THE CURRENT SEMESTER'S SYLLABUS

This course is designed for students who want to explore their relationships with their fathers or whose future careers will involve working with fathers and daughters. You do not have to be a Women's Studies minor to enroll in this course. Exploring the research in psychology and sociology, the course addresses questions such as: What weakens or strengthens relationships between fathers & daughters? How do fathers influence their daughters' intellectual, sexual & emotional development? How can having a better relationship benefit a daughter? Why do most fathers & daughters have the most trouble when she’s a teenager? What are the most common problems? How can you strengthen your relationship? How do mothers & stepmothers & divorce influence the relationship?

Required Reading
Nielsen - Between Fathers & Daughters: Enriching & Rebuilding Your Adult Relationship (August, 2008)
Barras - Whatever Happend to Daddy's Little Girl: Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women (2000)
Maine - Father Hunger: Fathers, daughters & food (2004)

Requirements & Grading
Two written tests. You will be tested over the statistics, research, and ideas presented in the assigned readings. The tests will be a combination of multiple choice and essay questions.

Attendance & Participation
To earn an A you have to attend at least 90% of the classes, 85% for a B & 70% for a C. Since this is a seminar course, you are expected to voluntary participate in every class. You will keep a weekly record of how much you participate. Come prepared to answer these two questions in every seminar: (1) What surprised or upset you most in the assigned reading? Why? (2) What part of the reading was most relevant to your relationship with your father?

Written worksheets
Every week you will be turning in all of the written worksheets from the boxed inserts in each of Nielsen’s chapters. If you need information about your father to complete an assignment, get the information directly from him - not from anyone else in your family. All of the information in these assignments is confidential. What you choose to share with your classmates during seminars is entirely up to you and in no way affects your grade. At the end of the semester, your written worksheets & verbal participation in seminars will be graded on a 10 point scale

3 Papers based on interviews with your father
Using the questions provided for you in Nielsen's book, you will conduct three interviews with your father during the semester. Afterwards you will write a 3-5 page paper answering these questions: In what ways did the assigned readings relate to your conversation with your father? From what you learned from your conversation, what specific things can you do to strengthen your relationship with him? What did you find most surprising and most rewarding about your conversation? What did each of you find most meaningful and most difficult to talk about?

Final Class Presentation = 5 points
Your final presentation will be graded on a 5-point scale:
5 = Excellent 4 = Well done 3 = Better than average 2 = Average

Answer these 4 questions in your 10 minute presentation ::

(1) What insights into your father-daughter relationships have you gained from your 3 interviews ?
(2) How has your relationship changed over the past 3 months? How do you account for these changes?
(3) What changes do you plan to make or will you continue to make in terms of your behavior towards him?
(4) What surprised you most about your conversations with your father throughout the semester?

So that you don't meander or repeat yourself, you need to make notes beforehand and practice your talk so that you talk longer than 10 minutes.

THE PERFECT CONVERSATION
Type a 2-page, single spaced conversation between you and your father on a topic that you would like to discuss with him - or on a topic that you have already discussed with him that didn't turn out the way you had hoped. In this conversation, write down exactly what you think your father will say in response to each of your comments. For your part of the conversation, write down the IDEAL ways of saying what you want to say based on what you have read in Nielsen's book.

ADVERTISING, CHILDREN'S BOOKS AND MEDIA
Magazines: Bring two magazine ads to class-one that is sending a stereotypical, traditional message about what a father should be and one that sends a non-sexist, non-traditional message about fathers or fatherhood. A non-traditional ad is one that shows fathers or fatherhood in a way that is typically associated with mothers or motherhood. What message does each ad send about what a father should do or should provide? TV: Repeat this exercise for two advertisements on television. Briefly describe each ad and the message it is sending about fathers or fatherhood. Children's Books: Look at a children's book that has human or animal parents. Choose a book published since 1990. What messages do the pictures send about fathers and fatherhood? What messages does the story itself send about what a good father does and how he is supposed to relate to his son - and to his daughter. You can find these books in local bookstores or in the library in Tribble A2A - basement floor. Movies: Think of three movies that deal with families. How are the father and mother portrayed in terms of what a good parent does, who the audience is supposed to feel sorriest for or forgive, and who the bad guy and good guy are supposed to be.
TV SINGLE DADS - visit this web site and then write a 1 page single spaced, typed reaction. www.tvdads.com

PARTNER'S ACTIVITY #1 Thinking about the next 5 years: 1. What do you think the 4 biggest threats to your relationship might be in terms of issues or decisions or attitudes or things going on between others in your family that might create tension or distance between you? 2. What are your 3 biggest weaknesses/shortcomings are as a daughter (at this point in your life - not how you were in the past) in terms of things you could do differently to enhance your relationship with your father? Talking as candidly as you can with your partner, what specific ideas can the two of you come up with for ways YOU (not your dad or someone else in the family) might be able to prepare for, to prevent, or to deal with these 4 threats and with your weaknesses?

PARTNER'S EXERCISE #2 1. What you would like to change or to improve about your relationship with your dad. Be specific. 2. How has your mother affected (good and bad) the relationship you have with your dad? 3. What are the things you have already tried to do in order to make these changes happen? 4. Why do you and your partner think each of these approaches failed. 5. Come up with at least 5 specific ideas for what you could say or do differently with your dad that might bring you closer to getting what you'd like in your relationship

Final Class Presentation Your final presentation will be graded on a 5-point scale: 5 = Excellent 4 = Well done 3 = Better than average 2 = Average You will have 15 minutes to answer the following 4 questions, considering all of the interviews with your father during the semester: (1) What were the highlights of the 3 interviews from your viewpoint and from his? (2) What did you enjoy most and least and what did he enjoy most and least? (3) Based on what you learned from your conversations, what specific changes can you make that might enhance your relationship? (4) What surprised you most about the 3 interviews? So that you don't meander or repeat yourself, you need to make notes beforehand and practice so that your talk lasts 15 minutes.

ASSIGNMENT: 3 CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR FATHER These questions are intended to help you as a daughter get to know your father on a more meaningful, more personal, more honest, and more mature level. Your father does not have to answer any question that makes him uncomfortable. You can discuss the questions in any order you want. I recommend that you let your dad start each conversation with those questions that he finds most interesting to him. The papers you are required to write about each of your 3 conversations do NOT require you to disclose personal or confidential information about your father. When you are discussing these questions with your father, be sure that no other family member is nearby. The two of you must have complete privacy and plenty of time. Do not assume ahead of time that you know what he is or is not willing to talk about. LET YOUR FATHER SPEAK FOR HIMSELF. Begin: Ask your father to choose 10 or 15 pictures of him and his father, him as a boy and as a teenager, his wedding, him with you as a baby and as you were growing up, him and his friends. Then ask him to tell you about what was going on in his life around the time each picture was taken.

PAPER #1 Questions in Nielsen's book on His Childhood , Friendship, Work & Family

PAPER #2 Questions in Nielsen's book on His Values, Feelings about Himself, Love & Romantic Relationships

PAPER # 3 - Questions in Nielsen's book on Religious views, Fatherhood, Our Relationship

Before coming to class do all of the written assignments in the boxes in Nielsen’s chapters. Be sure to check your e-mail the night before class for changes in assignments.

8/29 Lecture and video: Father and Daughter
Worksheet packet due before next Tuesday - mailbox on my office door – Tribble B211
Send your father the interview questions and ask him to look at syllabus on web site

9/5       Damaging Beliefs and Stereotypes
            Parke Ch. 1, 2 & 3     Nielsen Ch. 1    Farrell Ch. 5
              “Changes in Men’s Restrooms” and “Momnipotence”
            Assignment : Fathers in commercials & kids’ books

9/12   Work and Money
            Parke Ch. 5,6 & 8    Levine 2 chapters Nielsen Ch. 2
            Lecture: money matters
            Assignment : Web site paper
          Film: Juggling Family and Work    l

9/19     Work , Money & Communication
            Nielsen Ch. 3    Halpern Ch. 1-4     Farrell: chapter 5
          Assignment : Death & Money worksheet (web site: grandma’s yellow pie plate)

9/26    Communication
            Nielsen Ch. 4    Halpern 5-9   Assignment: perfect conversation paper
            Film: Fathers and Sons   (3292)
            Partners’ exercise in class
10/3     Getting to Know Each Other
            Halpern: Ch. 11-13      Nielsen Ch. 4      “The final connection” Xeroxed article
            First paper due: Childhood and Work and personality

10/17 Mothers and Motherhood
            Parke Ch. 7 & 11   Nielsen Ch. 5    “Momnipotence”
            Lecture: Family Triangles and Unhappy Marriages
             Written assignment due: Advising a Daughter

10/24 Family Dynamics
           Halpern Ch. 3, Nielsen chapter 5
            Film: Going Home (197)
10/31 Divorce & Remarriage
           Second paper due: Values/Beliefs, Relationships with Friends, Spirituality
            Parke Ch. 4 & 172-187     Halpern Ch. 10   Nielsen Ch. 7

11/7   Sex & Sexuality
            Nielsen Ch 6
            Guest Speaker
11/14   TEST
11/21    no class - Thanksgiving
11/28 Final Presentation This will be a 3 hour class.
          Third paper due   Bring photos to class.

divorce and Remarriage
Young Girl and the Monsoon (Nielsen's office)
Kramer vs. Kramer Step Mom
Nobody's Fool
Shoot the Moon
Twice in a Lifetime Affliction

Men's Lives
Spring Forward
The Big Kahuna
Glengarry Glen Ross

Your Father and His Father
I Never Sang for my
Father Pushing Hands
Voyage Around my Father
Tell me a Riddle
Affliction

Documentaries
All Men are Sons (allmenaresons.com)
Heroes and Strangers
My Father, the Genius
Daddy Hunger

Your Parents' Marriage
Ordinary People
The Secret Lives of Dentists (goofy title, but a serious film)
American Beauty

Fathers and Daughters
Father and Daughter (Michael Dudok de Wit - 2001 Academy Award)
Father of the Bride
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Eat, Drink, Man, Woman
Ulee's Gold
All About Schmidt
A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries
One True Thing
On Golden Pond
Slums of Beverly Hills
Daddy Nostalgia
)

RECOMMENDED BOOKS - FICTION AND NON-FICTION

Short Stories
Broyard - My Father Dancing
Frangello - Falling Backwards
Morgan - Fathers and Daughters

Autobiography/ Memoirs
Gawalt - First Daughters: Letters between presidents and their daughters
Lyons - Landscape of the Heart
Dodson - Faithful Travelers: A father, daughter and fly fishing journey
Norman - Two for the Summit: My Daughter, the Mountain and Me
Karbo - The Stuff of Life
McIvor - FBI Girl
Appelt - My Father's Summers
Cohen - House on Beattown Road (Alzheimers)
Levine - Do You Remember Me? (Alzheimers)
Miller - Story of My Father (Alzheimers)
Oliver - Assembling My Father (Alzheimers)

Photographic Essays
Cook - Fathers and Daughters
Gayles - Father Songs
Perchinske - Commitment: Fatherhood in Black America (U of Missouri)
Smith - Fathers: A Celebration Contemporary Novels

As a feminist psychologist, I invest many hours looking for children's books that portray fathers being just as competent, as nurturing and as involved in their daughter's lives as mothers - especially books that show fathers and daughters enjoying each other without other family members involved. These books are few and far between. Here are ten of my favorites:

Please send me an e mail if you find other children's books that portray fathers as loving, competent, involved parents with their daughters.

12. What are 3 ways in which men who are happy at home are better employees? Why?

Farrell: chapter on housework from Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say
1. What are 5 of the negative beliefs about men not doing their fair share of the housework and childcare that Farrell addresses. What statistics prove that each of these beliefs is just a myth, not a fact.

Nielsen - Embracing Your Father
*All of your answers must come from the statistics and research cited in the chapter. The true/false and fill in the blank questions on the test will come directly from statistics and research cited in the EYE OPENERS.

What are 4 beliefs related to work and income which can interfere with their relationships with their children?
What 5 statistics or research studies surprised you most in the Eye Openers?
What are 3 ways in which dads have less freedom and less power than moms in regard to work and money?
In regard to their fathers and money, what are 3 potentially damaging beliefs or behaviors that many daughters have? What negative impact can the daughter’s beliefs or behavior have on her relationship with her father?
What are 5 issues related to a daughter’s work or money that can have a negative impact on her relationship with her father? How can each of these issues be dealt with according to the author?
What are 4 statistical facts about retirement that daughters should keep in mind regarding dad’s financial future?
What are 5 statistical facts about young adults’ attitudes and behavior that give fathers legitimate reason for worrying and trying to teach their kids about money?
A daughter says to you: “My dad is more interested in his work than in being with us. He loves his job and is happy that mom has been the one mainly in charge of raising us.” What 5 research facts or statistics could you share with her that might help her reconsider negative attitudes about her dad?
A daughter says to you: “Nobody forced my dad to choose his demanding career. That’s what he wanted to do with his life.” What 5 research facts or statistics would you share with her that might help her see things differently?
Someone says to you: Employed mothers do an unfair share of work at home compared to employed fathers. What are 3 statistical facts or research conclusions you can share with this person?
What were 3 of the major conclusions from the book, The Second Shift? What were 3 weaknesses in this study? What are 3 facts from more recent and more thorough studies that refute her conclusions? Why do so many people still believe that mothers work a second shift but fathers don’t?

Chapter 3 - Communication (15-sentence explanations for each question)

Explain 5 ways in which most males and females are taught to communicate differently.
Describe 5 components of emotional intelligence.
Describe 3 mistakes daughters can make communicating with their fathers. Then explain specific ways daughters can improve in each of these 3 areas. (5-7 sentences for each)
Describe 4 techniques daughters can use to improve communication when their fathers are giving them advice.
What are 3 reasons a daughter needs to let her father know weather it’s advice or approval she wants from him? Give specific examples to demonstrate each reason.
In terms of advice and approval, describe 3 differences between mothers and fathers.
What are 3 reasons why it’s difficult for most fathers and daughters to deal with anger?
Explain 4 ways daughters can deal better with anger in regard to their fathers.
What is emotional blackmail and describe 3 different ways to deal with it.
What are 3 of the beliefs that make it easy for people to use emotional blackmail against each other.

Chapter 4 - Getting to Know Each Other

Describe/explain 5 of the components of emotional intimacy? (From the Emotional Intimacy Quiz)
Explain 5 things a daughter can do to build more emotional intimacy with her father.
What are 5 ways in which most males and females differ when it comes to emotional intimacy?

In 4-5 sentences each, explain differences between privacy and secrecy in terms of how we behave and the impact on relationships. Give an example for each of a negative impact on the father-daughter relationship.
What are 3 ways in which secrecy and lies can hurt the father-daughter relationship?
What are 5 reasons why memory and perceptions can hurt our relationships?

Chapter 5 - Mothers

What are 5 common beliefs about mothers which are not true according to our research or statistics?
What are 5 beliefs about mothers who stay home full time that are not in fact true? What specific research conclusions or statistics refute each belief?
In order to predict how jealous or how uncomfortable a particular woman is likely to be about “sharing” her daughter EQUALLY with the father, what are 5 areas or 5 questions to consider? Put differently, what are 5 factors that influence how comfortable a woman will feel about allowing the father to be an EQUAL parent?
Most mothers will say they want their daughter to be just as close to the father as to her. What are 5 things you might look at or monitor or ask questions about to determine if, in fact, the mother is actually DOING this?
A daughter comes to you for advice. She says that her mother has never said anything negative about her father, but she gets the feeling that her mother doesn’t think he’s nearly as good a parent as she is. What are 4 things this mother might be doing to give her daughter this impression? (Different answers from #4)
Explain each of these situations in terms of how they can negatively affect the father-daughter relationship: enmeshed, boundaries, triangulation. What are 3 factors that make these situations most likely to occur?
What are 5 things a mother can do to help her daughter have a close relationship with her father?
What are 4 commonly held beliefs about adultery that are not supported by the research and statistics? What are the facts for each?
What are 3 ways in which adultery can hurt the father-daughter relationship?
A daughter is angry at her dad because he cheated on her mother. What are 3 things you might help this daughter consider in terms of what’s good for her father-daughter relationship.

Chapter 6 - Sex and Dating

What are 10 statistical facts about teenage sex and dating that worry many fathers?
What do the majority of men your father’s age believe or how did they behave as young men in terms of: virginity, drug use, divorce, abortion, inte- racial marriage, sex education in schools, drinking, cigarette smoking.
What are 4 of the fears that fathers often have about their teenage daughters’ social lives. In 2-3 sentences each, explain how each of these fears can cause dads to behave in ways that hurt the father-daughter relationship.

In 3-5 sentences each, what are 4 of Nielsen’s suggestions for handling sex or dating issues with your father?
In 3-5 sentences each explain 4 mistakes daughters make that create more stress for their fathers.
What is the difference between secrecy and privacy, and how can these two issues have a negative impact on father-daughter relationships?
Historically why were fathers concerned with these issues in their daughters’ lives: virginity, marriage, rape.

Chapter 7 - Divorce

What do the statistics and research studies tell us about divorced fathers in regard to: how upset they are compared to their ex-wife after divorce; who initiates divorce; who commits adultery; and who loses the most time and influence over the children?
What are 3 types of psychological or social problems that many children develop when they see little or nothing of their own father? Briefly explain (5-6 sentences each) how each is related to the father's absence.
EXPLAIN 3 of the reasons why most fathers aren't more involved with their children after a divorce?
What are 2 popular assumptions about mothers or motherhood that work against divorced fathers? Briefly explain how each works against the divorced father staying closely bonded to his children.
In 5-6 sentences each, explain 3 of the ways in which our society idealizes mothers or motherhood?
In 5-6 sentences each, explain 2 of the ways in which most divorced fathers are disadvantaged by our laws?
In 5-6 sentences each, explain 3 ways a mother can weaken the father's bond with their children after divorce.
In 5-6 sentences each, explain 3 reasons why the father's remarrying can weaken his bond with his children.
In 5-6 sentences each, explain how mother's parenting style affects kids’ relationships with dad after divorce.
In 5-6 sentences each, explain 3 reasons why children's memories can hurt their relationship with their father after divorce. In each explanation, include the research findings that relate to your answer.
In 5-6 sentences each, explain how each of these variables might weaken a father's relationship with his children after divorce: the mother's income, the mother's guilt, the mother's attitudes about gender roles.
In 5-6 sentences each, explain 4 ways in which mothers generally have more power than fathers after divorce.
In 5-6 sentences each, describe 4 common myths about divorced dads and give the statistics to refute each myth.

Throwaway Dads
Introduction and Chapters 1 and 2

What are two of the basic themes of this book?
In 2-3 sentences each, explain what the two opposing views of fathers currently are in our society?
Describe 3 of the ways in which fathers usually relate differently to children than mothers do.
How does the kind of fathering a child receives relate to each of these characteristics in the child’s later life: empathy, popularity, intellectual development and assertiveness?
What is the main reason why most fathers are not more available to their children?
How does the father’s race affect the way he relates to his sons and to his daughters?
How does marital unhappiness typically change the way the mother and the father relate to their kids?
Using research studies to support your answer, explain 3 ways in which we know that men are not less “biologically fit” than women to respond to or take care of infants.
“Fathers do not form as close attachments or bond as quickly to infants as mothers do.” What does the research have to say about this? Describe 2 specific findings to support your answer.
How have each of these discriminated against fathers: childbirth preparation classes, obstetricians, pediatricians.

Chapter 4 and pages 172-187

When both parents are employed, fathers still don’t do their fair share of the housework. Agree or disagree by citing specific statistics and research.
How much time do most employed fathers spend at work, with children, and working around the home?
What are 3 ways it has been harmful to believe that the main job of a father is to make money?
Are most divorced men deadbeat dads? Cite 3 specific statistics to support your answer.
What approach is the most successful in increasing the likelihood that a man will pay all of his child support?
How do mothers who are supposed to pay child support compare to fathers?
What percent of divorced men have joint custody and visitation rights?
What are 3 ways in which mothers often sabotage their ex-husbands visits with the children?
What are 3 changes in divorce laws that would make it easier for dads to stay bonded to their kids?

Chapter 5

Using 3 specific examples cited in this chapter, how are most children’s books biased against fathers?
Explain 3 specific ways in which children’s literature does not represent the realities of family life.
What impact can TV have on father-daughter relationships?
Explain 3 ways that TV and advertising discriminates against fathers.
What are 3 ways in which the media could treat fathers more fairly?

Chapter 6

Explain 3 of the ways in which adults train little girls to be better than little boys at parenting skills?
How are black parents different from white parents in relating to their daughters?

Chapters 7 and 11

What is the major factor that determines how involved a father will be with his children?
What 3 ways are children more advantaged when their mothers have full-time jobs like their fathers do?
What is maternal gate keeping and how does it affect the father-daughter relationship?
Explain 4 things that mothers can do to get fathers more involved with their children.
Explain 5 things that government or businesses can do to allow fathers to be more involved with their children.